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 I’ve received a lot of sound medical advice on this post for now so thank you. Post nasal drip, asthma, vocal tics, allergies, acid reflux, cancer symptoms etc etc are all things we’ll keep an eye out for – I’m in no doubt that she needs to keep seeking medical attention until we find out what the problem is. A chest X ray within the last 6 months showed nothing.

I have lived with my wife (30F) for over 10 years now. We have a wonderful, fulfilling relationship but she has had a persistent cough for about 18 months and refuses to discuss it. I’m worried about her health, the noise is starting to affect my mental health, and it’s beginning to strain our relationship. Looking for advice on how to approach it.

During the 18 months it has happened roughly once per minute on average. It varies between rhythmic throat clearing and a loud barking cough, sometimes occurring 3-4 times per minute for periods of time.

My main concern is her health – I often find myself worrying about what could be causing it. The second issue is the noise itself. We both work from home and it’s clearly audible throughout the house. I can’t work in the same room, and much of the time, I find myself trying to create distance from her when it becomes overwhelming.

That’s not something I want to be the case at all, but none of the coping strategies I’ve found to try and manage my reaction to it have really helped.

Thankfully she doesn’t cough while asleep or when falling asleep, but our sleep schedules differ slightly so it still sometimes affects my sleep.

She has discussed it with a doctor on one occasion – so far they have investigated one possible cause (acid reflux) but the medication has made no difference. She doesn’t smoke and has no other illnesses I’m aware of.

I’ve tried raising it gently a few times – expressing concern for her health, asking how the cough has been, mentioning that it seems more frequent, or suggesting she see a doctor again. Every time I bring it up, one of several things happens:

– She denies having a cough at all

– She dismisses it by saying something specific “triggered” it (with a different cause each time)

– She becomes defensive and assumes I’m annoyed at something she can’t control

– She pushes back and says she’s already had treatment for it and they couldn’t find anything wrong

Because of that reaction, I haven’t yet attempted to discuss how it’s starting to affect our relationship or my mental health.

I want to be clear that I understand coughing isn’t something she can necessarily control, and I’m not blaming her for it. But I’m finding the situation increasingly stressful, and I’m starting to feel resentful that the conversation keeps getting shut down.

Has anyone dealt with something similar? How can I bring this up in a way that doesn’t make her feel attacked or shut the conversation down?

TL;DR: Wife has had a persistent cough for 18 months, denies or shuts down any discussion about it, and it’s starting to affect my mental health and our relationship. Looking for advice on how to approach it.