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Hello yall me F (32) and my bf M (34) A little back story. So me and my bf were during during covid se were only together for a year and i got pregnant ( pretty early ik) He didnt want it . so I gave him the option to leave and to not evn tell his familh they wouldnt even need to know that I was pregnant. We would break up and that’s it. After taking me to 2 abortion clinics and me not going through with it i told him he needed to make a decision i we waited until I was 10 weeks pregnant to tell ppl be ause thats when he decided he would stay. it was a rocky pregnancy . I felt more alone than anything but i dint expect much from him i was always waiting for him to leave.
Fast forward our baby was born. Things seemed better. ofcourse no sleep because well duh a new born I had to have an ER C section baby was stuck in the canal and his oxygen was dropping.. so thank god we both came out ok. with the C section i couldnt have sex for awhile . I would try to make sure he was pleased otherwise even with me not.being able to move much. I even told him to watch corn. Idc i understood he has needs .
So our little one was about 2 or 3 weeks old and he went back to our old place to give the keys. There wad neighbor he use to hangout eith she was older but absolutely beautiful. which eas fine I trysted him and her. Idk what mafde me go through his phone infront of him. he had 2 pics of her ass in booty shorts . one seemed accidental but the 2nd i knew was on purpose. I dont think she knew they were taken because of how the pictures were taken. So ofcourse i got upset and asked him wtf?? He laughed and said what? I said why do u have these did u jack it to this ? He said well duh. I was so hurt i grabbed my 2 / 3 week old but him in the car and drove i was crhing so bad i couldnt see so I pulled over called a friend and composed myself. That night i told him to get the fuck out. He dint leave it took awhile but we trues to work on it . I tried to forgive him but it hurt that its someone qe know like it was a slap in the face.
Move forward my son is 2.5 and weve had other issues where he os saving videos on tik tok or facebook to jack it to.later. One thing is corn. Bit saving the videos idk it bothers me . Ive tried to forgot but it always comes back in my head . My heart was hurt so deeply that this happened just 2 weeks after i had our baby.
He says hes changed hes stopped watching videos(saving them as much) but to be honest I just dont care anymore. I care because I want our family together. But i just like ehh i dont care because ive told him over and iver the same thing . He told me before that flirting with girls us an ego boost for him. I try to believe that hes changed but idk if hes just better at hiding thjngs.
Part of me wants ti try? Part of me just doesnt feel like my heart can take anymore pain?
I even have a guy bestfriend that hr knows likes me and me and him talk all the time ( ive always been respectful ) only reason i mention this is becuase i want to know he cares i want to see that he would get jeleous even just a little as petty as that is but he doesnt care he says hes not a jeleous guy. sorry I’m all over.
It come to a point where i dont even want to have sex. Ive told him I dont feel connected to you. Hes “trying” but he just trying to be more touchy and lovey kinda but i told him i need foreplay not just right before it but through out the day. I feel like my love is dieing for him. How do I move past this hurt this resentment that im having for him? I do love him but that pain man it cut me so deep idk if i can ever see him the same way .
Im willing to do therapy but idk if he would be willing to . He wont do personal therapy. Thank you guys .
A frustrated / dont know what to do mama
