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A bit of background, I met this girl (who I’ll refer to as my “friend”) a while back and we hit it off at the club. Made out, danced, and exchanged info. Come to find out she’s married to a woman and Poly. Fine with me, I’m not looking for anything serious after getting out of a relationship recently and I’ve always wanted to try poly. We go out once to a place near her that she picked with ridiculous food/drink prices. She then proceeds to order a bunch of shit, but I had plenty of post-breakup money and was hungry/wanted to drink so I said fuck it. We have a good time and talk before leaving. When the check came i got the usual half-hearted “we can split it” but i said it was fine. We head to another bar in the area with dim lights where i get us drinks and she starts complimenting me and talking about sex. From there we go back to her place. She gives me a tour and introduces me to her dog before sparking up a joint for us to share. Making out ensues and right when things start to progress she said she thinks I should leave. No worries. She’s married and may have some sort of boundaries with her partner like not having sex in their house, telling her about me first, etc. Or maybe she’s on her period/just isn’t ready for sex yet since she typically prefers women. Whatever.

The next few times we’re supposed to hang she flakes me. At one point we were even in another country at the same time for a few days and she flaked on meeting up there because she’d been fighting with her wife. Once back in town and she started responding to me again, she said “you can take me out to dinner next week :)”. I stopped responding after this because it felt like she was using me for dinners when she’d previously been flaky/unresponsive numerous times which I’d called her out for.

Fast forward a week, she randomly invites me out to a bar one night after telling me she and her wife have separated. I was already out and free so I said fuck it and went. I offered to buy her a drink and she introduced me to her friends. Another girl talked me up, gave me her number, and kept interrupting our conversation to talk with me. Eventually my friend started grinding on and kissing me, saying she liked that other women talked to me. She then asked me to buy her another drink before she said I should take her home. As soon as we get in the car, she starts making out with me and tells me to drive. The second my gear shift hit Drive, her mouth found its way to my zipper. After about a minute she says to pull over and we start doing the deed. After we finished I got a bunch of compliments about my performance, technique, etc. in relation to women and most other guys on the way to drop her off.

Over the next few days she’s much more responsive, asking how I’m doing, saying have a good day, etc. Cool. Well last Wednesday she invited me on a trip into the mountains with her and 8 other friends from Thursday – Sunday. She said they had an extra spot open up and would like if I came with. No mention of splitting fees/covering, mind you. She is already carpooling with friends so I go on the 5 hour drive solo thinking she just wanted me to meet her friends and spend some quality time together after we had sex.

On the way there she texts me that i should come snowboarding with them which was $400 with the ski lift/equipment rental. I was having bad allergies and don’t want to try snowboarding enough to pay that price anyways so I said I probably wouldn’t. Once I get there at 2:00 AM on Friday after leaving after work she wakes up to let me in and I end up sharing her bed. Over the course of the next 2 nights I stayed, I had horrible high altitude/cold weather sinus allergies so I barely got any sleep. Each morning her friends woke up at 7AM slamming things, yelling, and stomping around the house to leave for the slopes, which she went for. At this point I’m awake so I stay at the cabin to get work done. They went from pretty much 8AM – 4PM then we all met up after to eat/drink. They were very cool and accepting people, and we all got along well which is not common for me as an introvert. I helped cook, clean, brought plenty of alcohol, got grocery supplies, and took care of the drunkies with water/liquid IV while also being drunk myself. My friend would hold my hand and kiss me in front of her friends. A couple of them told me privately how much they all liked me, in particular how well I cared for her/them which helped them all feel better by the morning. Keep in mind that they did feed me by sharing a bunch of the food they brought which I also helped to cook.

For the first two nights, my friend and I cuddled minimally and I didn’t press sex at all since she didn’t seem to initiate. It very much seemed like she was tired from boarding all day and drunk/high on edibles by the end of the night. Overall we didn’t really spend any quality time together. The morning of checkout, I asked if she wanted to have a quickie before we got ready. She said “but there are people here, what if they hear”. Her friends were all up on the second floor while we were alone on the first. I kissed her neck and playfully said “I think you can be quiet”. She paused for a good 10 seconds and said “you think so?……hmmm………” at which point I was like okay, I don’t think she’s in the mood. I didn’t say anything and she followed up with “let me use the bathroom”. My gut told me she was going to say she’s on her period. Well, a few minutes later she came back and said she was on her period. Told her no problem and held her for a bit before I helped everyone clean/pack for 1.5 hours and driving the 5 hours back home.

Later I get a text saying she made it home followed by “we’re all going to calculate splitting everything, I’ll let you know”. I just liked the message and laughed. A couple hours later she says “Hi! Okay so it’s a little pricey… airbnb $443 and food/alc $70.50. I feel bad you didnt even get to snowboard and stayed home 😕”

It took everything in me not to reply “LOL”. I don’t do group outings often at all being an introvert so I don’t know common etiquette but this is sketch, right? I was already planning on sending them $100 for my food but now I just feel weird about the situation. If you were planning on having me split the fees you should have told me that before making the 5 hour drive instead of making it seem like you wanted to spend quality time with me. Which we didn’t because she spent a lot of the time interacting with her friend group.

Disclaimer: I have no expectation of sex, ever. Obviously it would have been nice. BUT, her lack of intimacy when we were alone, last minute invite, spending minimal time interacting with me, and not disclosing the splitting until after makes me believe she only wanted me to come to help cover the trip costs after others cancelled (A couple of their friends told me a bunch of their friends canceled on this yearly trip).

TLDR: Went on a last minute weekend getaway with a casual poly married fling because a bunch of her friends canceled. She did not tell me about her wanting me to split the BnB until after the stay and my gut is telling me that’s the only reason she invited me. Looking for any advice

Edit: Upon further reflection, the fact that she didn’t end up saying “hey, sorry I know we didn’t discuss this but I actually meant to ask you to split the costs with everyone if you’re coming. I know it’s unexpected so lmk if you can’t and we can work something out” or something similar tells me all I need to know. Instead, I got “okay cool so now you’re splitting everything with us.” She definitely only invited me to help cover the costs.