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The Power of Feeling Understood: How Validation Can Transform Relationships
How often do we feel misunderstood by the people closest to us—our friends, family, even our partners? And on the flip side, how often do we struggle to comfort someone we love, even when we’re trying our best?
Licensed psychologist Caroline Fleck believes the answer lies in one transformative skill: validation.
In her new book, Validation: How the Skill Set That Revolutionized Psychology Will Transform Your Relationships, Increase Your Influence, and Change Your Life (Avery, 2025), Fleck explores how learning to validate others can strengthen connections, heal misunderstandings, and even deepen our sense of compassion—for others and for ourselves.
What Is Validation, Really?
Validation, Fleck writes, is the act of communicating that you are mindful (paying attention), understanding (seeing the logic in someone’s feelings), and empathetic (caring about their experience).
In simple terms, validation isn’t about agreeing with everything someone says—it’s about showing that their feelings make sense. It means truly listening, identifying what’s rational about their perspective, and doing your best to see the world through their eyes.
Fleck emphasizes that when people come to us with a problem, our instinct is often to jump into fixing mode. But real connection happens when we know how to balance problem-solving with emotional validation—when to offer solutions and when to simply sit with someone in their experience. This flexibility, she says, is the hallmark of an emotionally intelligent response.
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I had no idea how long you felt like this towards me!! I’m flattered and would really like to get to know you better too! I’m hoping you are in Phoenix Arizona downtown and if not I’ll get ahold of you as soon as I can!!
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